i should tell you, i'm disaster.

I could barely get through yesterday without crying. I laid down on the pool deck and pretended to sleep because my eyes were watering. I'm so tired. I don't know what I'm doing with my life right now. I'm in a rut. I thought I was doing so well. I can never swim well at this time in the season. I was ready. I swear I was. I don't know what I did differently a month ago. I don't know how to get back to it. I'm just a mess right now.