because when i arrive, i bring the fire.

It's amazing how fast the year is going by. As I go through the days, it seems as though they are going so slowly, yet all of a sudden it's October 20th. Bucknell is in 4 weeks, and that's the end of my fall semester of meets. I'm sure it will go by even slower however because we don't have a training trip this year, but because exams are later than usual, it might just feel the same.

I had a killer Day One set today. The best I've ever swam it, most likely. I can't decide if it was because I swam with the boys and I felt no pressure or if I really just had a great set. We'll see tomorrow I guess, when we do Day Two and I'm back with the girls.

ECU this weekend. This will be the test of where we are compared to last year I think. William and Mary was a test also, but because we lost to ECU last year, and only by 14 points, we've got something to prove to them. This is going to be a total mental meet, not so much physical, because I think physically we are there.

Caps had a minor setback this past weekend, losing to the Devils. Both teams battled hard, but Brodeur is amazing and the Caps are incapable of winning a shootout.

Little things here and there are making it hard for me to concentrate. Boys that I shouldn't be thinking about. No good boys. I don't know why I fixate on the ones that are bad for me. And the whole senioritis thing. Because I definitely feel it. This is the last hard semester for me because the spring is going to be a joke with my classes that mean nothing for my major. I just need to do good in these classes right now, but it's so hard.

American Military History in 19 minutes. Need I say more?

you know i like my boys a little bit older.

I think the song Use Your Love really explains the point in my life where I'm at. Think of that what you may...

I'm on an 80s kick and I can't get off of it. Jesse's Girl. 99 Red Balloons. Take Me Home Tonight.

Hockey season starts on October 10th with the Caps in Atlanta and everything is leaning in the Caps favor so far. It seems as though everyone is still on the bandwagon since the end of that amazing last month of the 2008 season. Thinking about it still gets me up and excited.

Right now, I'm kind of just in disbelief that the end of my swimming career is rapidly approaching. And I don't think it will actually hit me until that last night on Conferences. Maybe not even until the morning after.

I have so many things that I need to think about right now. And I need to think of something to do for Sean's birthday. Ah.

and demanded that you stay...

A new season has finally begun. Repeat or Defeat? is the question of the season. It's weird to think that in 6 months I will be done my swimming career. It's different than any other sport I think. It's not something that you can do once you finish your four years. Nor is it something that anyone really would want to continue at the same pace with. You could always swim with Masters but it's not something that you can continue "professionally" unless you're Michael Phelps.

At the moment, things are being placed on the line for another conference championship. Now is the time when we see what people are made of. Who can make the sacrifices in order to win? Who can handle the pressure to win and to reach their goals?

am i correct to defend the fist that holds this pen?

From the fifth floor of the library it looks like the snow is going up from the ground. I can see that it's already starting to kind of stick to the ground and to the grass.

I really hate this time of the year. I hate the cold. I hate how it's cloudy and grey all the time. I remember freshmen year I slipped on ice TWICE walking back to my dorm from study hall one night.

I should be working on my eight page Economics paper due and/or my twelve page CFP paper, both of which are due next week. But then I'll be in Florida and the semester will finally be over. I just can't get myself to work right now. My head is swimming.

I know I shouldn't be dwelling on it. But it just annoys me that Jill has time to respond back to Gordon, but not my email. I really just want her explanation. It's fine to me that she quit, and that she wasn't happy, hell I can understand where she's coming from, but I'd just like an explanation. Is that too much to ask for?

How do we move forward from here?

i should tell you, i'm disaster.

I could barely get through yesterday without crying. I laid down on the pool deck and pretended to sleep because my eyes were watering. I'm so tired. I don't know what I'm doing with my life right now. I'm in a rut. I thought I was doing so well. I can never swim well at this time in the season. I was ready. I swear I was. I don't know what I did differently a month ago. I don't know how to get back to it. I'm just a mess right now.

dream big.

It mystifies me how some people have no dreams. No aspirations.

Life deserves a purpose, otherwise what's the point.

Some lives need to be given a purpose. You have to choose what it is you want in your life and then go for it.

Have some goals. Have some dreams.

You can't just live life day to day and expect things to happen. You have to make things happen.

Today was one of those WIN days. I didn't think that it would go to well when I walk outside for morning practice and it's raining and gloomy, just one of those days that you know you won't see any sunshine.

Yet, classes went well. I got out of my presentation that I was dreading. Practice went surprisingly well after initially dreading the sets.

A good hump day.

give them nothing. and take from them everything.

Some days some people just have it made.

Saturday was a good day. A win. For the team and for me. My first against a conference team. Pat seemed happy with my races and I'm finally contributing in dual meets in a tangible way on a regular basis. I finally have the confidence to race and to be a leader in a more vocal way.

It feels good. I'm happy with where I am right now, swimming wise.

We definitely are more of a team now than ever before and it's visible to everyone around us.

Thursday was a rough day because we confronted people and issues on our team but I think we've settled them to the point where people understand the sacrifices that have to be made.

A tough end of the week is ahead so we've got to push through and get ready to swim fast this weekend against ECU.

love.